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old guy dies and goes to heaven, widow meets him in heaven a few years later. Sees him arm-in-arm with two angels in heaven, making out and having a great time.

Widow runs up to him and yells "Charlie,Charlie, it's me, Martha, so wonderful that we can be together again!"

Charlie says "Hi, great to see you again Martha, but I have to tell you something: the wedding vows said 'Till death do us part'. I fulfilled my terms of the deal we made, now I'm on my own"
A guy and a dog walk into a bar. The guy is bragging to everyone that his dog can talk . The bartender calls him over and says, "So your dog can talk, huh?"

The guy says yes. Then the bartendersays, "So, if I gave your dog a dollar he would go out and buy me a newspaper?" The guy says yes, gives the dog a dollar and sends him out.

Three hours later the dog hasn't come back yet, so the owner and the bartender go looking for him. A block from ther bar, they look down an alley and see the dog humping a female dog. The guy yells, "Wow, I've never seen you do that before!"

The dog says, "Well I've never had money before."
The disparity between the Yankees and the rest of the baseball bourgeois has shrunk; there is not much difference among them, the Red Sox and the Phillies. The gap between the elite and the rest is staggering, and so even as the Yankees compete in a division with loaded Red Sox and Rays teams and on-the-come Orioles and Blue Jays units, they may not always reign supreme, but they’ll remain beastly nonetheless.
quote:
Originally posted by Impulse:
quote:
Originally posted by winederlust:
There once was a lady named Doris...


My boxer's name is Doris. I also happen to have a neighbour that goes by the same name... coincidence?


Yeah, 2, 2 coffees, that's perfect for this cold, dim, fluorescent morning...

...and a couple of those donuts over there, right Doris?

Right, Doris?

Earth to Doris, earth to Doris, come in Doris...
OMG Becky, look at her butt. Its so big. She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends. Who understands those rap guys. They only talk to her cause she looks like a total prostitute, Okay. I mean her butt is just so big. I can't believe its just so round. Its like out there, I mean, gross. Look. She's just so........
Difficult to say when intoxicated:
Cinnamon, Mellifluous

Very difficult to say when intoxicated:
Transubstantiate, Specificity

Impossible to say when intoxicated:
No, I really don't want to have sex with you.
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
I must be going hoome now as I have to work in the morning.
I won't attempt to dance, because I am know how uncoordinated I am.
quote:
Originally posted by Ed Bowers:
Maybe tommorrow


There's a voice that keeps on calling me
Down the road, that's where I'll always be.
Every stop I make, I make a new friend,
Can't stay for long, just turn around and I'm gone again

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

Down this road that never seems to end,
Where new adventure lies just around the bend.
So if you want to drive me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, the whole world is my home.

So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

There's a world that's waiting to unfold,
A brand new tale no-one has ever told.
We've journeyed far far and know it wont be long;
We're almost there, and we've paid our fare with our hobo song.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll want to settle down,
Until tomorrow, I'll just keep moving on.

So if you want to join me for a while,
Just grab your hat, come travel light, that's hobo style.

Maybe tomorrow, I'll find what I call home, Until tomorrow, you know I'm free
quote:
Originally posted by Rob_Sutherland:
I am on a drug. It’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available. If you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.


quote:
I'm a warlock


I think we could go for weeks on Charlie Sheens recent rantings alone. I like this observation from Sarah Silverman:
"If I were hanging out with 20 year old porn stars, I'd feel like a genius, too."
quote:
Originally posted by Icenimrod:
May, 2009

1. Boston 26 18 .591 - -
2. Toronto 27 20 .574 0.5
3. New York 25 19 .568 1.0
4. Tampa Bay 23 22 .511 3.5
5. Baltimore 18 26 .409 8.0

Good afternoon everyone. Isn't it a lovely Memorial Day weekend out there!

Labor Day weekend's looking quite nice. Colombus Day's even better! No need to say how nice Election Day's looking!

The sox have the Yanks over their knee and are giving them the same who's your daddy treatment they give the Angel's rally monkey every year in the playoffs.

yuk yuk yuk

I hate to be the one to break this to you but with that bullpen your pinstripes are headed for a third or fourth place finish in the east.

Icenimrod must be clairvoyant.

I'm glad the Sox spend more effort and money on the farm system and player development than the Yankee's ever will. That's what keeps them ahead of your pin stiped losers.

You nailed that one!

Texiera: 182 3HR and 10 RBI
Sebathia: 1W-3L w/ 4.85 ERA

I see your spelling is as fine as your prognostication.

Glad that's not my $65,500,000.00 out there. 7 Teams dont even put that much into their entire payroll and at least a few of them should be playoff tems, which the Yankee's will not.

Here's a lesson for you about shooting your mouth off.


quote:
Originally posted by Board-O:
quote:
Originally posted by Icenimrod:
May, 2009

1. Boston 26 18 .591 - -
2. Toronto 27 20 .574 0.5
3. New York 25 19 .568 1.0
4. Tampa Bay 23 22 .511 3.5
5. Baltimore 18 26 .409 8.0

Good afternoon everyone. Isn't it a lovely Memorial Day weekend out there!

Labor Day weekend's looking quite nice. Colombus Day's even better! No need to say how nice Election Day's looking!

The sox have the Yanks over their knee and are giving them the same who's your daddy treatment they give the Angel's rally monkey every year in the playoffs.

yuk yuk yuk

I hate to be the one to break this to you but with that bullpen your pinstripes are headed for a third or fourth place finish in the east.

Icenimrod must be clairvoyant.

I'm glad the Sox spend more effort and money on the farm system and player development than the Yankee's ever will. That's what keeps them ahead of your pin stiped losers.

You nailed that one!

Texiera: 182 3HR and 10 RBI
Sebathia: 1W-3L w/ 4.85 ERA

I see your spelling is as fine as your prognostication.

Glad that's not my $65,500,000.00 out there. 7 Teams dont even put that much into their entire payroll and at least a few of them should be playoff tems, which the Yankee's will not.

Here's a lesson for you about shooting your mouth off.



I like this better. You may or may not remember the story as you had already been drinking heavily from the spit bucket so here it is again...

"We chatted for a while and then almost everyone went to bed. Board-o, Seek and Mrs. Seek, and I wanted more. We went out to the porch for a cigar and a drink, I had a beer and the rest had a smoke. 20 minutes in the cold weather was enough for us so we headed inside. The Seeks needed to get up early so they went to bed. Board-o and I walked over to a local bar to see what was going on. We enjoyed the live band, some cute girls and of course some beer. Walking back to the Inn we both stepped in a huge semi frozen puddle. With new shoes on, Board-o ran through the entire puddle...I was dying, he looked like a duck. We got to the Inn and he headed to bed. I was getting my glasses together when our fire alarm went off...The alarm is an audio tape of and extremely annoying voice tell us that the building is on fire and that our lives are in danger. I knocked on Board-o's door and walked into a cloud of smoke...He was standing there is underwear while his wife was ready to kill him..I opened some windows and called 911. Meanwhile my mom and Daryl(he works for us) came running down the stairs to enter the code for the alarm..I told the 911 operator that there was no fire and that all was well..Luckily the fire department didn't show up
we'd better get back because it will be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly...