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Dear ADD Millennial sitting next to me at the concert last night,

We're only half way through the second song and you're already so distracted you're pulling your phone out and texting? Why are you even here? Put the effing phone away and BE IN THE MOMENT. There are five incredibly talented musicians on stage who you presumably paid top dollar to see (since you're sitting in 6th row centre floor seats), but your phone is more interesting? If that's the case, GO HOME. I don't want to have your phone's blue light in my face.

And to all the others who insist on videoing the concert so you can post your sh*tty, fuzzy videos with echoey, distorted audio to your social feeds just so you can prove you were there... NO ONE CARES. If you're doing it to capture the memory for eternity, there are likely professionally shot videos that you can watch instead that will give you more lasting enjoyment. Watch the actual effing concert instead of watching it through the sh•tty little screen on your phone.
My theory on why silent farts smell the worst:

When gas is expelled by the body via the anus, it tends to pick up the scent of the stool(aka turd, poop, doodoo) that is sitting in the rectum. When stool sits high up in the rectum, away from the anus, the odor that is picked up is not as pungent as the odor that is picked up by stool closer to the anus. Stool that is closer to the anus tends to act as a noise baffle, not allowing the butt cheeks to resonate during the act of farting. Therefore, farts produced when stool is close to anus tend to be more silent and foul smelling.

Thank you for your attention.
Future lectures: "Creative uses for Ear Wax" and "Phlegm; A Rainbow of Color"
I found out being told something actually can make you spontaneously vomit.

My three year old broke one of his front teeth almost flush with his gum a year ago and the dentist said that it would probably eventually fall out by itself (it would anyways as it’s a baby tooth but he meant prematurely fall out). It didn’t and on Monday the gum above it turned dark and started to swell (though he didn’t complain of any pain). They didn’t think they could get into his mouth twice as he was hysterical and didn’t want to put him under so the dentist removed the tooth without freezing while my wife held him. Thank god I grabbed my waste basket in time and that there is a shower in my office to rinse it out.
quote:
Originally posted by Rob_Sutherland:
I found out being told something actually can make you spontaneously vomit.

My three year old broke one of his front teeth almost flush with his gum a year ago and the dentist said that it would probably eventually fall out by itself (it would anyways as it’s a baby tooth but he meant prematurely fall out). It didn’t and on Monday the gum above it turned dark and started to swell (though he didn’t complain of any pain). They didn’t think they could get into his mouth twice as he was hysterical and didn’t want to put him under so the dentist removed the tooth without freezing while my wife held him. Thank god I grabbed my waste basket in time and that there is a shower in my office to rinse it out.


That's horrible! When the tooth fractured near the gum line, the nerve and bloodvessel were exposed and infection was inevitable. At age 3, the pulp could have been removed and the canal medicated.
quote:
Originally posted by winetarelli:
If I say that it is 117 degrees outside and your response is that that isn't the "real" temperature because it is over concrete in the sun and the "real" temperature -- over grass in the shade -- is only 108, fuck you.


The weather pussies in Toronto would say the temperature is 117, but feels like 128. Conversely, a few months from now they'll be saying 'its minus 2 but feels like minus 25, don't go outside'.

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