A man walks up to the doorway of a pub, when suddenly a nun steps in his way. "Sir, be off with you, now. Drinking of the demon rum is the surest way to hell. It will put all kinds of evil thoughts into your head, and turn from the rightous path!" The man is quizzical, so he asks, "Sister, have you ever actually had a taste of fine, Irish whiskey?" "No, I have never had a sip of the demon spirit, sir." "Well then, Sister. How can you condem something you've never tried?" The nun pauses for a bit, and then conceeds, "Well, sir, perhaps you're right. Perhaps you could bring me out a wee dram so I can see for meself. But if you could sir, please bring it out in a teacup, so as to maintain propriety?" The man agrees and enters the pub, whereupon he asks the bartender for a shot of whiskey. "But if you could barkeep, pour it into a teacup, please?" The bartender explodes, "Jay-sus, Joseph, and Mary! It's that bloody nun again!"
Deanna Favre released a statement today. "The pictures Brett sent out were intended for me. In no way did he mean to deliver them into the hands of Jenn Sterger or anyone else but me, but you all know Brett-they were intercepted."
Previously posted in another thread (somehow ignored ):
BUTTERCUPS AND GOLF BALLS
Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden . . .POOF!!
In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, 'I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life... As a matter of fact, you'll never have?? any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!
Then POOF! . . . she was gone!
After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, 'Fred, where are you?'
Fred yells back 'I'm over here in the pu$$y willows.'
Dave shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, FRED, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!!!'
A Chilean miner having sex his wife for first time since release: Miner: Can we switch the lights off? Wife: Of course! Miner: Can I have you from behind? Wife: Anything you want my brave boy. Miner: Can I call you Pedro?
This guy walks into his doctor's office complaining of a sharp pain on his forehead. The doctor runs some tests and tells the guy "I've found your problem but you're not going to like the cure - I have to castrate you.". The guy says hell no and leaves. He goes back in several times over the next week or two hoping for a different answer but keeps getting the same one. Finally the pain gets to be too much for him and he goes in and tells the doctor "I can't take this any more - go ahead and take'em doc.". So the doctor does his thing and the guy leaves he office pain-free.
On his way home he walks into a men's store and tells the clerk "I need some new underwear.". The clerk asks what size he wears and the guy responds "32", to which the clerk says "oh no sir - you look more like a 36 or 38. You know, if you wear those things too tight you'll get this pain on your forehead..."
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