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@billhike posted:

Nice one, Irwin.

I’m not sure we’d have anything in common outside of wine, but you’ve always been one of the good guys on the forum. I hope I get the occasion to break bread with you one day. Cheers.

I'm sure we'd have something in common.  Since you are an intelligent fellow, I assume you are an Oriole fan and a Ravens fan, for example.  In any event, I heartily endorse the idea of meeting and sharing a bottle or two.

A husband and wife who work for the circus go to an adoption agency looking to adopt a child, but the social workers there raise doubts about their suitability.

So the couple produces photos of their 50-foot motor home, which is clean and well maintained and equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers are satisfied by this but then raise concerns about the kind of education a child would receive while in the couple’s care.

The husband puts their mind at ease, saying, “We’ve arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin, and computer skills.”
Next though, the social workers express concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.

This time the wife explains, “Our nanny is a certified expert in pediatric care, welfare, and diet.”

The social workers are finally satisfied and ask the couple, “What age child are you hoping to adopt?”

The husband says, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as the kid fits in the cannon.”

Follow up to Mneeley490's joke above....

The guy who gets shot out of the cannon goes to the manager of the circus and says, "I quit.  I can't take it anymore. Getting shot out of the cannon is noisy and filthy and when I land it hurts.  I can't do this anymore."


The manager says, "You can't quit! Not many people are as good as you at this and can fit into the cannon. Where am I going to get another person of your caliber?"

group of first year med students were standing around a cadaver

Their instructor motions for them to come close for their first 3 lessons of medical school.

“The first lesson is that you must not be afraid of the human body, alive or dead” he says as some of the students are visibly uncomfortable.

He then holds up a finger and says, “you must also possess the strength to do the things necessary even though they may make you squeamish.” He then sticks his finger into the cadavers anus. Following that he pops a finger into his mouth.

“Your turn” he says.

Slowly but surely all of the students stick their finger into the cadaver anus and then into their mouths.

As many are retching and sweating he then says, “the final lesson today is that you must pay attention to the smallest details. You see I used my index finger for insertion, but, unlike you, I stuck my middle finger into my mouth.”

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do not have the look of a man who could please his mistress when you hold her naked in your arms. For your beard is little more than the kind of fuzz that ladies have in certain places, and it is easy to tell from the state of the hay whether the pitchfork is any good."

On his turn, the knight asks "Lady, answer me without deceit. Is there hair between your legs?" When she replies, "none at all", he comments, "Indeed I do believe you, for grass does not grow on a well-beaten path."

a bear is chasing after a priest in the woods

As the priest is running, he makes an impassioned plea to God: Oh please God, in your infinite wisdom and mercy, turn this bear into a good Christian!

Before he can get another word out, he trips over a log and goes sprawling. The bear catches up and approaches the terrified priest. Rising up on its hind legs, it puts its paws together, and says

“Lord, thank you for this meal that I am about to receive.”

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