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Reply to "Have you heard any good jokes lately?"


A young cowboy sitting in a honky-tonk saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been known as one of the fastest guns in the West. The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his own powerful ambition to become a great shooter. 

"Could you maybe give me some tips?" he asked.

The old man said, "Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun a bit too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg, and make sure it's tight.''

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?"

"Yep, sure will."

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his Colt .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. "That is terrific!" shouted the cowboy. "Got any more tips?"

"Yep," said the old man. "Cut a notch out of your holster right where the hammer hits it-- that'll give you a much smoother draw."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"You bet it will, son," said the old-timer. 

The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. "Wow!!" exclaimed the cowboy. "I'm really learnin' somethin' here! Got any more tips?"  

The old man nodded slowly, and pointed to a large metal can in a corner of the saloon. "See that axle grease over there?  Go over and coat your gun with it."

The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.  

"No, no," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all."

"Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man.

"Well, no," said the old-timer with a wink, "but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing around on that piano, he's gonna shove that gun right up your ass, and this way it ain't gonna hurt nearly as much…"