In order to save on vacation costs, two secretaries are rooming together. On the first night Jill turns to her friend, puts her hand on her shoulder, and says, "There's something I've been meaning to tell you about myself. I'll be frank, I'm a lesbian." "That's OK," says the other girl. "I'll be Frank tomorrow night, I'm a lesbian too."
Prostitute to arresting officer: “I’m not selling sex. I’m selling condoms with free demonstration.”
A blonde goes into a laundromat and asks to have her sweater cleaned. The Laundromat attendant doesn't hear her correctly and says, "Come again?" The blonde blushes slightly and giggles, "oh, no it's just mustard this time."
A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?' The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said, 'You’ve got Male!
An executive was stressed out. He had to fire one of his staff. He had narrowed it down to one of two people, either Debra or Jack. It would be a hard decision to make, since they were both equally qualified and both excellent workers. He finally decided that in the morning whichever one used the water cooler first would have to go. Debra came in the next morning, hugely hung-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to get some water to take a couple of aspirins and the executive approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." Debra replied, "Could you please jack off? I have a terrible headache."
The lesbians next door, asked me what I would like for Christmas. I was quite surprised when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch."
A busybody visited her bachelor neighbor and said, "You're 45 years old and have never been married. I have a lovely niece your age. Say the word and I'll introduce you." "Don't bother," the bachelor said. "I have two sisters who look after all my needs." The meddlesome woman replied, "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." The bachelor said, "I said two sisters. I didn't say they were my sisters."