While making up her teen-age daughter's bed, she was shocked to discover a large carrot under the pillow. When Mary Jo came home, mother demanded an explanation of the carrot. "Mother, I want to be honest with you," she confessed, "for the past few weeks that carrot has been my husband." "Well," the mother replied, "Consider yourself a widow, because your husband just went into tonight's stew!"
A blond guy was overheard to say at the hospital, "My wife just delivered twins." "So! You should be happy! Why are you so angry?" "I want to know which Son of a Bitch is the father of the second child!"