Don't eat yellow snow.

Or runny brown snow.

Or red snow.

Don't brush your teeth with a brick.

Wash hands thoroughly after chopping jalapenos before relieving yourself and touching any other body parts. Learned this the hard way a couple of weekends ago. I'm always careful about not rubbing my eyes, so I should have known better. An interesting sensation for about 45 minutes. Of course I waited to tell our guest about it until AFTER they scarfed down the salsa and guacamole we made...

Don't rub another man's rhubarb.

Put on sunscreen before going to the nude beach.

Never RE-elect anybody.

Don't PWI

Don't get into a pissing match with a skunk.

a much older male friend has three tips:

1. Never waste an erection.
2. Always take a leak when you first arrive somewhere and again before you leave.
3. Never trust a fart.