OK, I confess. There was that one time..... when I badly overcooked a lobster. I have an excuse...it was a second date and unlike our crustacean friends, I am not done in 15 minutes.
And another time, when I asked a friend to watch the risotto .... and one more, when I had to cook at someone elses's house and they had nothing but "i can't believe it's not butter". I could not f'n believe it!

Sorry, grun, you don't have a prayer of winning this award. In fact, nobody's posted anything yet worthy of winning.

Its called Kitchen Mishaps.

I thought the two finger chopper stories were really gonna nail this one.

One more inelligible story to pass the time:

In the mid 70's, when I waited tables at a restaurant, during the slow times the kitchen staff would sometimes take the larger knives and play "Samurai Fry Cook", a'la John Belushi. The goal was to toss a tomato or some other object in the air and quarter it before it hit the ground. One guy once swung too far to the left and cut the electrical cord to the wall-mounted timeclock. Made a nice Bang! and blew a good sized chunk off the blade. Luckily, the manager was an alcoholic, and stayed sound asleep in his office.

quote:

Originally posted by mneeley490:
One more inelligible story to pass the time:

In the mid 70's, when I waited tables at a restaurant, during the slow times the kitchen staff would sometimes take the larger knives and play "Samurai Fry Cook", a'la John Belushi. The goal was to toss a tomato or some other object in the air and quarter it before it hit the ground. One guy once swung too far to the left and cut the electrical cord to the wall-mounted timeclock. Made a nice Bang! and blew a good sized chunk off the blade. Luckily, the manager was an alcoholic, and stayed sound asleep in his office.

LOL!

For myself it all happened back in Residence.

1) First day into Res and I took one look at the condition of the kitchen and it WAS a Mishap. I imediately went out and bought a mini-fridge, at breakfast in my own room, and dinners were at my girlfriends place. I would rather eat 4 day old burgers everyday than to eat/prep one meal in that kitchen. I'm sure every possible thing was growing in that kitchen.

2) Involved a Pyrex dish right out of the oven that caught the edge of a cold sink. The pyrex dish exploded all over. Luckily I wasn't part of that one.

3) A vegetarian we knew was hosting a turkey dinner for Xmas. Everyone else was going to cook, but she was supplying the venue (her "quad"). No one told her to take out the turkey in advance, and then she proceded to "thaw" out the turkey in a sink of hot water. You can imagine how that turned out.

i was a chef at a restaurant called Chilis

we used to "par cook" some burger patties when things were about to get busy and set them on a sheet pan just above the grill

the sheet pan would get full of grease so every once in a while someone would drain it off usually by pouring it over the flame broiler CAREFULLY

one night things were rolling and the pan got very full.....for kicks i picked it up and just slung the grease over the broiler

flames shot to the top of the vent-a-hood

heat over took the kitchen

you could see waitresses and customers looking back through the pass through area wondering what that blinding light and extreme heat wave was

i ALMOST set off the halon system

but i was way younger and way dumber than everyone else in the kitchen so the rest just yelled at me and told me how lucky we were to all not be covered in flame retardant

then we laughed it off and went back to doing what ever else we were doing

quote:

i was a chef at a restaurant called Chilis

If this is the chain... Chef is overtitled.

Not really a mishap but my best kitchen story involves working stock-line in high school at the coffee shop at Ceasars Tahoe. The line cooks thought it was quite funny to sharpen those little frilled toothpicks that sandwiches are pinned with and shoot them at the staff.

After several warnings to one of the cooks to lay off the amazon blowguns in my direction, he decided to shoot one into my neck from about four feet. The sunovabitch actually stuck in my neck and drew a little blood.

I calmly removed the missle, walked over to the ice bin and tossed a handfull of ice into the deep fat frier he was standing next to.

I've never seen anyone hit the deck and look for cover faster. I've never been in combat though...

It was the very last time someone shot a toothpick at me.......

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Gigond Ass,

Typed in Bella Font......



Ok, so I was going to make Pat's Philly Cheese steaks, so I went to the store to get some meat. I asked the guy in the meat area, he was rude by the way, if he knows what philly steak is. I told him I needed this to make Pat's sandwiches. He said that steak was steak, and that I could use any cut of meat. But I think he wasnt being helpful because I didnt ask him to cut it yet. So he took me over to where top sirlon was and said I could use this to make Philly Cheese steak. I asked him is top sirloin another name for Philly steak becuase it doesnt say Philly on the package. (this is why I know he was being a jerk and not just trying to sell me the wrong thing)

So, the package he showed me was 2 pounds and as it is just the two of us, that was way too much so I asked him if he could just cut me the Philly part and leave the tenderloin. He got a bit wierd with me and told me that this was the meat for the philly, but I think he was trying to make a bovine type comment about me so I told him I want to see the manager. Well the manager comes out and I told him what happend. He was just as stupid as his employee. He told me that the Philly steak sandwich is just steak, but what did he know he was in Texas and this was Philly steak I was looking for. He might know about briskit, but Philly steak he does not. I would leave and goto Whole Foods, but I have been kicked out of all of them within 2 hours of my house, and Costco has my picture on the wall.

Finally I told him I would buy the top sirloin, but if it wasnt the right kind or didnt taste just like Pat's, I was going tell everyone on my wine board about him and no one will buy Philly steak from him again. So I go down the cheese aisle and dont see Cheese Whiz, then I remember, its in a can right ? Duh, so I go down the aisle with the canned cheese and see it in a jar. I go get the manager and ask him if they have this in the can, I want to eat it like whipped cream when I am done with the sandwich. He tells me that the one in the can is different, but what does he know. He made me angry. I asked him what kind of car he drove incase I needed to get back at him later. So I bought the can. They had 4 kinds. I got garlic and chive.

Next we needed onion so I got jr and we walked to the produce section. There are so many rude people in this store. I was letting jr run and slide on her knees down the aisle and this woman told her to stop. How dare she talk to her like that. This is a public store for Petes sake !!!. So we goto get the onions, and I was passing by the cream cheese and wondered if that would work ? It is Philly. So I got one of those too. It had a recipe on the back for mixing in salsa
and that sounded good too so we got a bottle of Pace Picante sauce. Well I didnt think in Philly they can get Texas Sweet onions, so I bought reds.

They are from Peru it said, so they sound yummy. After waiting in the express lane with only 4 items over, I started to write a check when the rude girl behind the checkstand tells me that they wont take checks in the express lane.I don't see why not, it looks just like the rest of them. I can't belive how rude everyone is in this store. We left and got in the meat tenderizer and drove home to make the sandwiches. Jr was excited because she has never been to Philly before, and I have at least seen it on TV and heard other people talk about it.

Well, we get home, unpack the groceries and realize we forgot the rolls !!! No problem though, I have some english muffins so should be fine. I mean its just bread. So I log on and read the thread about Pats and see that I need to slice this steak I bought, and that I needed ribeye, not top sirloin. I knew that meat guy was lying to me. He needs to get a new job, he doesnt know anything at all about meat. So I start slicing this meat and its not going too well
its too thick I think because it doesnt look like cold cuts or steak ems. I know I can run it over, so I know all of you are thinking that, not funny ha ha. My blender broke when I shoved the rib eye in it so that was out of the question. I got out the scissors and started cutting.

This is alot of meat. Its not working. I then read on the thread again that you should freeze it first to make it easier to slice thin. Well my freezer is full with Otter pops and ice trays filled with sips of Champange so I cant use mine. I wonder if I go back to the store they can do it for me ? That guy was so rude I dont think I could do that so I decided to eat a few otter pops while waiting for my steak. Ok, so 2 Booberry Blues,one Strawberry Short Cook, and 3 Alexander the Grapes later I got out the steak. It wasnt frozen at all, it was just stiff. The scissors wouldnt even cut it anymore. Why does it have to be thin, isnt it jsut steak ? I took the rest of the steak and cut it in pieces, (I still think that meat guy didnt give me Philly steak). I mixed the philly cheese with the Pace and diced the onions. I dont know how much
onion so i just used 2 whole ones. I didnt want to over power my cheese whiz. Speaking of the Cheese Whiz, I got my can and decided to try some so I pushed the button down and cheese went everywhere. If this is how they do it in Philly, I know why I belong on the west coast.

So I put some garlic olive oil in the pan, seasoned the meat with Emerils Bam and added the steak. When I turned around I slipped on some cheese and accidentily grabbed the handle of my pan and flipped it up in the air. It goes into the ceiling fan and whammo !!! Steak everywhere. In the blinds, on the counter, in the sink, on the floor, table and even in my jacket pocket !! We picked it up off the carpet and put it all back in the pan, but it was kinda fuzzy and had stuff on it.
I thought about washing it off, but I didnt want to wash off all the bam i put on it so I just picked out the fuzz. My cat really liked it though. She was running around with a piece of hot steak on her back like a cat with hot steak on its back ! He must be from PHilly in a past life.

I was going to add the onions and thought they dont look small enough so I got out my coffee bean grinder. I have the Brawn with the blades so I just stuck the onion in there. WOW did you know you can make onion juice with a coffee grinder ? !!I put the onions and juice in the pan and decided to put the Cheese Whiz in the pan with the steak so it would melt better. I toasted the muffins and spread it with the Pace and cream cheese. What could be more Philly than that. When the steak and whiz was done I called jr and put them on a plate. The red onions and the chives in the whiz looked cool. We were excited about these authentic Philly Cheese Steaks. We sat down, I poured myself a thimble of wine and jr had diet Coke. Well I took the first bite and this tasted nothing like a cheese steak. You guys on the forum gave me a recipe that didnt work. Jr took a bit, spit it out and the cat went wild. She jumped on the table and grabbed a muffin and took off. I started chasing the cat who took the muffin under the couch and wouldnt come out.

That couch is heavy so I cant lift it up so I left her under there with the muffin, knowing she would come out when its time to eat. I went to the kitchen to see how I can fix these. I think I will post a modified version of this recipe as it doesnt come out that perfect. I squirted some cheese into my mouth, told jr we are having the last of the In-n-Out from California for dinner that the Philly steaks are not good because that rude guy sold me the wrong steak and the recipe doesnt work.

A week later there was this wierd garlicy smell coming from under my couch. I didnt know what it was. So I called
my apartment manager and told him that his apartment was smelling like garlic and it was coming through the floor and into my apartment. He insisted he was alergic to garlic and never used it, but I know he was lying. Are men are liars so I know he was too. Well 2 days later he came over and said it did smell like garlic and it wasnt him. Maybe it was me. Well I got upset cussed him out and told him that I dont have to take that. Imagine my surprise when kitty came out with half a muffin the next day. I still think the garlic is from downstairs though. So thats my disaster. Making philly cheese steaks
with Texas and not Philly steak. I knew that guy was a liar.

Easily the most hilarious thread in a long time. I literally spit my lunch onto my screen at

quote:

english muffins

Simply Brilliant.

Flubis -

Absolutely friggin hilarious!!!!!!!

man i could really picture her typing and thinking that!

that was a great laugh

My side hurts and I have tears running down my cheeks. I am laughing so hard my co-workers almost called 911 because they thought I was having a seizure. Thanks for the best laugh I have had in weeks.

LOL!!
My workmates are looking at me funny!

I liked the scissors twist...

You people are sick...

Several things wrong with that story:
1. I don't have a cat...oh wait (taking a look down there) Apologies...I do have one, but not the kind that is furry and purrs (only on demand)
2. I don't write checks
3. The In and Out burger supply has been depleted

heh heh (sorry Bella)

Thanks, flubis. I needed that.
Think I'll pick up a cheesesteak tonite!!

Sick....yes! But that was just funny!!

quote:

Originally posted by Bella Donna:
You people are sick...

Several things wrong with that story:
1. I don't have a cat...oh wait (taking a look down there) Apologies...I do have one, but not the kind that is furry and purrs (only on demand)
2. I don't write checks
3. The In and Out burger supply has been depleted

flubis,

I bow in your general direction.... Great post!! Sorry, Bella....

PH

Great post, Fluby. You had me laughing out loud but you were unfair to it. It didn't ask 15 questions about what kind of bread to use.

quote:

Originally posted by Bella Dumba:
1. I don't have a cat...oh wait (taking a look down there) Apologies...I do have one, but not the kind that is furry and purrs (only on demand)

More piggishness from the Progenitor of Coarseness. No wonder it lacks a male.

That was pretty frigging funny.

The delivery was very Bella Donna-ish.

LMFAO Flubis!
Post of the year!!

quote:

Post of the year!!

It was good, but not necessarily that good. The year is young...

I actually haven't finished reading it yet, but there are tears streaming from my eyes-- I just got to the cleanup after the ceiling fan and couldn't stop laughing!

My stomach hurts, too!

Well done!!

"My cat really liked it though. She was running around with a piece of hot steak on her back like a cat with hot steak on its back ! He must be from PHilly in a past life."

Honestly, I can't get past that without cracking up again! Classic!!